Well, I guess the top spot on my list of regretable things I've done is currently that I let myself get sick. How could I do this to myself? A cold. Stupid. Hahaha.
Okay, really... I think one of the top things on my list right now is coming to graduate school. When I first arrived there was this constant voice of worry in my head saying things like "you of all people, should not be here" and "what am I doing here?" So I wrote it off as nerves. But now, a few weeks in the voice is steadier, devoid of hysteria, and saying things that are a little more convincing - "what are you going to do with a PhD? do you really want to teach?", "oh my god, I'm going to be here for five years and I don't even know why?" and "who the hell cares about this crap?". I have always believed that I came to graduate school because I didn't have anything better to do with my life... and now that's starting to really bother me. I feel like graduate school shouldn't be the fall back plan...
So now I'm not sure what to do. I don't want to do graduate school, but I don't know what else to do. Plus, I'm already here... what was I thinking??
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2 comments:
Found this link on my computer and just wanted to give you a little feedback.
If you talk to your cohorts, you'll probably find they have all had those thoughts. God knows I did when I was getting my masters.
If you're seriously concerned, talked to your prof/mentor. Decide to get through the quarter/semester and in the mean time take a look at available jobs that you might like to try. Nothing is ever written in stone, but don't tell your mom I said this, she'll croak!
You know we'll all support you, no matter what you decide. Of course, I am under the influence of cold medication right now, so you might not want to listen to me....hey, we weren't even in contact, how did THAT happen?
Love, Aunt Kathy
Hehe, I agree with your aunt Kathy; just stick it out for this quarter, see how it goes. I'm feeling the same way, actually; not entirely sure why I'm here, and it's as if grad school is my back up plan to dealing with real life. But I think ultimately you'll find that real life ain't prepared to deal with us yet. :D We should stick around in academia for a bit longer until we get our bearings in life. :D
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