Holiday Bowl!!

Adora and I went to the Pacific Life Holiday Bowl today. We had a fantastic time!! There were paratroopers that landed on the field, the bands to watch, fireworks, fighter jets that flew over head, and there was also a great football game. Cal won 45 to 10. So awesome. Makes me wish I'd gone to more football games during my undergraduate career. So much fun. We've decided to go again next year if Cal is in the bowl. Anyone want to join us?

That's about it. Am having a really great time at Adora's. Yay.

Home for the Holidays

After a great week with Angie (except for that darn conference!) I am home for the holidays, well, Christmas anyway. Monday and Tuesday I spent hanging out with Peter and spending time with Grandma S. Peter and I went shopping, had lunch, and just spent time together. We had a really great time. Peter is definitely a better person than he used to be. He's also pretty fun to shop with.

Today I drove up to Aunt Kathy's - chatted with her while Uncle Bob took a conference call, then we all went to lunch (Japanese), then Aunt Kathy and I went shopping. She got some gifts for Uncle Bob and got me teach yourself to crochet and knit sets along with some yarn. Projects to work on. =)

Looking forward to spending some time with Mom. Tomorrow. Also hope to get together with Zen and Julia at some point. Zen wants to see Eragon, which I am all for, and swap books. I have too many as it is, but I can definitely share with her.

Oh my gosh... I'm bleeding!

Hm... I don't know if this is a well known fact or not, but when I'm bored, stressed, or worried I tend to either bite my fingernails or pick at my cuticles. Turns out, the AGU conference has caused me to worry and be bored... which has caused me to pick at my cuticles to te degree where I looked down at my notes and saw blood... whoops... To remedy the problem I bought band-aids. It was also suggested that I wear gloves. Good idea. Perhaps I will get a very thin pair that will protect my hands but will not hinder my writing/note-taking.

Being bored is well understood... why I am worried? I have no idea whether I'm going to the right sessions (although, I assume I am because they tend to be associated with what I'm assuming I will work on in the future) and the sessions I go to tend to reveal to me the extent of my ignorance in my own field. I have pages of notes, which contain several citations of papers I need to read. Whoohoo! Hahaha. Could be worse, right?

Today was good though. Went to the conference for about 4 hours, then Brandon (one of Jim's other students) invited me to lunch with him and this guy, Mica, from Rice. Good lunch. They had an interesting discussion about samples and different theories about paleoclimate during the PETM and ELMO that I couldn't really contribute to, but that I enjoyed anyway. Didn't hurt that Mica was pretty darn good-looking. :)

Then I cut out after the conference to attend the UCB Astronomy Department Christmas Party. It was a lot of fun. Got to see all the people I used to work with; Lorraine, Patrice, Janet, Bora, Dexter, etc, etc. And the profs all put on a skit. So funny! Yay.

What will I be up to tonight? I dunno. :)

An Update...

As you may know, my first quarter of graduate school is now complete. I haven't gotten my grades yet, and am not sure I want them. That's okay. I will instead focus on the present. Am currently staying with Angie (yay!) while I attend the AGU (American Geophysical Union) Conference in San Francisco (not so yay).

Yesterday and today I took the BART over to SF and sat through hours of lectures. Some are interesting, some are alright, and some are insanely dull. It can be amusing though, when at the end of someone's presentation somebody in the audience "asks a question" which is basically a statement about how wrong the presenter is and how their own data and interpretations are more valid. I suppose I wouldn't find it amusing if I were the presenter, but as I am just an observer, I think it's just peachy.

Staying with Angie is fun. Sunday night we had Naan and Curry, yay Indian food! Last night we had dinner together and watched tv. Watched Wife Swap for the first time; found it both disturbing and amusing. Then tonight I met Angie and Kathryn for dinner at Cancun and then went and got Gelato with them.

Tomorrow, Thursday and Friday means more lectures, more boredom, but this weekend will be fun! Angie and I are going to see the Nutcracker on Friday (haven't seen it before) and then on Saturday we're heading to the city. We rented a hotel room! That will be a lot of fun. A super classy slumber party. I'm very excited. It's really nice to be around someone I feel completely comfortable with and don't have to worry I'm going to say something offense, embarrassing, or whatever.

Yep, that's all.

The Quarter is Done

But, I can't seem to relax. Maybe it's AGU looming in the foreground or the fear of failing Isotopes lurking in the background. Whatever it is, I wish it would go away.

I think... maybe... making rice krispie treats will help me relax...

Just Enough...

Lately I feel like I have been doing just enough to get by. Have been waiting until a couple days (if that) before an assignment is due to even start thinking about doing it. I know that this may seem like par for the course, as it is the end of the quarter... but I'm not sure.

I need to complete the transition from undergrad to grad student. Or perhaps this is what being a grad student is all about? Well, teaching and research start next quarter, so we'll see how that goes.

School is almost over...

My Crazy Family

My family is completely and totally crazy. I spent Wednesday to today at home. Observing my family led me to two conclusions... 1) Each member of my family is a little crazy, irrational, bizarre in their own way. 2) I am like each and every one of them in both personality and appearance. Kind of makes me happy. Kind of makes me sad.

Anyway...

And then... there was Apple Pie!

Today Colleen, Susie, Sara and I did a pre-Thanksgiving Thanksgiving dinner. It was amazing! There was turkey, stuffing, sweet potatoes, corn and peas, cranberry sauce, and bread. It was really delicious. AND, we also made an apple pie. I think the apple pie was the best part. We actually bought apples, peeled and cut them up, added the spices, put them in the crust (actually a frozen crust, we didn't make that part ourselves) and covered it all with a crumb topping (that we did make). It was excellent! Oh, and apparently, I am skilled at peeling apples. Hadn't ever done it before, but I must say, I'm pretty good at it. All in all, I was really proud of us for the meal we created.

On a slightly sadder note, I feel like I am going to really embarrass myself during my preliminary interview on Tuesday. I feel like I really dropped the ball with this. Have thought that about a lot of stuff this quarter. But, I feel like I'm at the stage where I'm not sure how prepared I'm going to be. I'm studying and everything, but I don't know... I feel like this is one of those moments where everyone is going to figure out that I really don't belong here. I'm starting to get freaked out again. Oh well, after Tuesday there's just a day until Thanksgiving. Then a little over a week until my birthday. Then a few days later school will be out. Yay for that.

Am really excited about Thanksgiving. Super excited about winter break.

Little Less Talk and a Lot More Action

I have been complaining entirely too much. I complain incessantly. Forgetting that everyone has problems just as bad or worse than mine. Complaining just makes it seem as though I think less of other's problems. Which... I guess I do. I need to stop being so selfish with my sympathy. So, if you hear me complaining, do me a favor and say... "Steph, only complain if you have something to really complain about." Hahaha... still sounds really self-centered, huh? Anyway, it's my goal to complain less about all the work I have and actually do it. Cuz, funny thing, the less time I spend complaining and the more time I spend working results in more work getting done! Can you believe it? Hahaha...

Talking to Colleen today made me realize that some people just don't see me for who I am. Assumptions are bad, people! As many know, I get stopped and asked for directions and talked to by strangers a good deal of the time. This doesn't usually make me happy... but anyway... It seems as though people look at me and assume that I'm unassuming and approachable. For example... today I got asked for directions and talked to in the laundry room. Just because I look like a dork and harmless, doesn't precisely mean that I am. I can be cold hearted, cruel, self-centered, manipulative, and the like, as some of you know. I'm not always sincere when I smile and I'm not always joking when I say something and then laugh. I'm not always nice just to be nice, either. And while I don't always mean it when I say nice things, I usually do mean it when I say something mean. This isn't to say that I'm always a terrible person, but I can be. Just remember that next time you're asking for directions from someone who looks harmless and approachable.

Exhausted and Disgruntled

Didn't get much sleep last night (about 3.5 hours)... And had to give my proposal to Jim. Am not happy about it at all. I mean, most of it sounds okay to me, but I feel like it's going to be the first instance of him thinking... oh... wow, she's not very bright...

And on top of that... My math problem set is due pretty soon. And I'm not sure how to do about half of it. Perhaps more. Suck. Fuck. Yuck. Duck (just cuz they rhyme).

Yep, my life in a nut shell. Looking forward to a nap following math...

A Field Trip and A Bar

Today was the second grad student seminar field trip. A much better field trip than the first! We hung around beaches most of the day and played while doing a little bit of geology. It was also wonderful weather - warm and sunny - and better because we all knew that we'd be sleeping in our own beds tonight. A big plus!

The bar - So it was Lisa's birthday today and to celebrate everyone went out to Poets and Patriots, a so-called Irish pub. Not sure what was supposed to make this place Irish, but can't really be that picky. Anywho, it was pretty fun. Chatted with people, was social, and played darts (!). It was a good time for everyone. I have been acting pretty antisocial... or I guess... like a homebody. Not really going out and doing things like this. Everyone seemed pretty glad I was there. It was nice. I mean, of course there were awkward moments where I felt like I was on the periphery of all the conversations going on, but most of the time I was talking with people and joining in and all that good stuff. yay for me. Think I'll start being more social.

Did get some strange looks though when I went up to the bar and ordered a Pepsi... oh well, the alchies can think whatever they want. hahaha.

Anywho, am exhausted and going to bed. Yay for a Saturday well spent (and by that I mean a Saturday in which no homework was done...)

Teaching

In the winter I'm TAing for History of Dinosaurs. Sounds really cool and I'm actually pretty excited about it. Although... Just checked the schedule of classes- there are 9 discussion sections with room for 30 students each that last 1hr 30min.... And 3 TAs.... Meaning I'll be teaching 3 1.5hr sections! And have a total of 90 students (well assuming full enrollment...). My goodness! Oh well, I think I only have to take one class... so it shouldn't be too bad. Still pretty excited.

This is pretty darn funny!

Sorry for the Freak-out

Things are looking better now. I had a productive day. Had pretty good classes. And figured out I only have to take one "class" next quarter. I will be TAing and doing independent study, but I feel like I'll be much less stressed out.

Sorry if you were concerned.

Also, it helped that Susie and Colleen were there to talk to me last night and then Colleen again today at dinner. Didn't hurt that she had some hilarious news... hahaha...

Yep...

Unhappy

I find myself still unsure as to whether or not I want to continue with graduate school. I'm unhappy for long stretches of time. I also find myself thinking I'd be happier working. There's a wide variety of jobs that I'd like to do... I wouldn't mind just working in an office, or at a library, or in a bookstore, or I don't know... I'm just not sure graduate school is where I want to be. This feeling as put me in a rather... emotional instability field. Things that normally wouldn't bother me are making me exceedingly unhappy - like getting a less than stellar grade on an assignment, or an off-hand remark from a professor or another student, or being unsure what the next step in a homework problem is. And things that would normally make me really happy aren't making me as happy as they normally would.

I miss weekends and evenings. For example, this weekend was awesome (because I was away from school) until it came time for me to come back to school, at which point I found myself wishing that I didn't have to come back. It's not that I want to stay at home, because I really, really don't, but ultimately I'm not happy in Santa Cruz. The place is wonderful, but the school, not so much.

Anyway, this weekend I spent time with family and also hung out with Julia. Rented Lucky Number Slevin and watched it with Mom. An excellent movie, full of twists and turns and good actors. I was very impressed. Wish I had purchased it, rather than rented it. Went and saw Running With Scissors with Julia. Very bizarre. That's all I can say. Don't really know how to describe it or how I felt after seeing it.

A Midterm?

Today was my first and last midterm of the quarter... I was in denial pre-midterm, didn't really study (well, not as I studied in undergrad), and just kind of walked in to take it. And I still don't really feel like I took a midterm today. I did do the whole post-midterm celebration, but it wasn't really all that heart-felt. Oh well.

The celebration included Sara, Susie and I eating out (Seabright Brewery) and then coming back to watch The Little Mermaid. My Mom bought it and shipped it to me in a care package. Yay for new DVDs! I had forgotten how much I love it.

Anyway... Going home for the weekend. But before that... I have a paleoclimate brown-bag meeting at 12:15 that I'm supposed to read a paper for and a meeting with my 205 group that I'm supposed to read 2 papers for. Have been super busy and unable to read said papers. Will need to split it up between now and tomorrow morning. Yay for me... hahaha. I wish. Oh crap... Also need to print out my math and isotopes problem sets to take home to work on. Being a grad student is a little harder than I thought it was going to be...

Hm... guess I should break out one of those papers and start reading it... It's all very exciting!

A new post...

Yesterday after my Graduate Seminar I wrote a post indicating that I was not so happy. Somehow this post disappeared from my blogger, and probably a good thing. I need to try and stay happy and not get so upset about things. The brunt of it was that I was upset because a professor made me feel really stupid. I'm not saying that he did it intentionally, but he did it. I called my Mom and talked to her, and she made me feel better. Reminded me that I am in fact not the stupidest person in existence, by a long shot. Horrah for me.

Anywho, things are looking a bit brighter today. I do have a midterm on Thursday, but I think it will be okay. Just have to get serious about studying for it. I can do it!!

Well... that's all. You're dismissed. :-P

Enlightenment?

Over the last few weeks I've learned a few things

1) Homework sucks, but I get very happy when I'm able to finish it. Days of agony end in harmony if I am able to finally figure out the answers, or at least what I think they should be.

2) Scientific papers are pretty boring. Although, I seem to find Jim's papers pretty interesting... Good choice in research?

3) Part of the reason I'm not so happy with school - the classes I'm taking. Apparently I'm taking too many (as Heather tells me anyway). Interesting...

Yep... Okay... I have to give a presentation today. Think happy thoughts for me!

Um... yeah, not a whole lot is going on besides school. Did have a crazy dream last night where I was some sort of vanquisher of evil using different types of bows and arrows depending on whatever the type of evil happened to be... Interesting, as I am a Saggitarius.

Also have discovered something interesting, but cannot discuss it here! Talk to me later if you're curious.

A Good Weekend

Angie came to visit! And we had a really good time. I'm super glad she came. It's not that we did anything particularly exciting, but it was really nice to spend time just hanging out with her. We did go to the mystery spot - which was mysterious. We also decided to plan a winter trip to New York - Yay!

In other news... I registered for the AGU conference today. Also became a member of AGU... Isn't it exciting? I know you're jealous. Not sure if I'm supposed to go everyday, but it's Dec. 11-15th in SF... at least I get to be in SF while Union Square is all decorated for Christmas... Maybe I'll take some time out from the conference to hang around a bit.

Also, I have a new vision plan through my graduate student insurance... but I don't know how to choose a provider... it's just a list of names, locations and phone numbers.... blah... I will figure it out tomorrow...

Gosh, I have been such a downer lately. Here's to being positive!

Hm... yeah... that's all. :-D

Frustrated

As anyone who reads this knows, my main reason for having a blog is to complain about things going wrong in my life... so here it goes! (said with a slight hint of facetiousness)

1) Spent an hour on the phone with the people at Verizon Wireless... actually an hour on the phone with some guy named Ron from verizon. My problem? No service. Their solution: it's because your phone is so freaking old. Right... So basically my phone won't let me make or receive calls if I have less than 2 bars... So what they did is make it so my phone will make and receive calls when I have no bars. What a solution. Stupid bastards.

2) My cold will not go away. And keeps getting worse. Yay for that... makes all my other problems seem even worse. Bah.

3) An annoying presence that will just not go away. Can't really elaborate here, but some of you probably know what I'm talking about.

Anway... Other than all of those things, life is going pretty well. School seems a bit better. We'll see.

What Have I done?

Well, I guess the top spot on my list of regretable things I've done is currently that I let myself get sick. How could I do this to myself? A cold. Stupid. Hahaha.

Okay, really... I think one of the top things on my list right now is coming to graduate school. When I first arrived there was this constant voice of worry in my head saying things like "you of all people, should not be here" and "what am I doing here?" So I wrote it off as nerves. But now, a few weeks in the voice is steadier, devoid of hysteria, and saying things that are a little more convincing - "what are you going to do with a PhD? do you really want to teach?", "oh my god, I'm going to be here for five years and I don't even know why?" and "who the hell cares about this crap?". I have always believed that I came to graduate school because I didn't have anything better to do with my life... and now that's starting to really bother me. I feel like graduate school shouldn't be the fall back plan...

So now I'm not sure what to do. I don't want to do graduate school, but I don't know what else to do. Plus, I'm already here... what was I thinking??

The Coolest Dorky Person I Know

Dee told me that I was the coolest dorky person she knew during the field trip, hence the title of this post. So, the camping trip was a lot of fun and I got to know all the people that went on it a lot better. I'm really glad I went. I mean, I was right when I said it was going to be cold because it was! It got to below freezing at night. But aside from somewhat miserable sleeping conditions it was a blast. I would recommend visiting the Eastern Sierra to anyone interested in pretty and/or exciting geology, but would also recommend staying at the motel in Lee Vining to anyone not appreciative of sleeping on the ground.

Oh, and the Decemberists are pretty cool. Good music. Just thought I'd add that...

Also, I'm trying to figure out if I want to drop my math class or not. Just not so sure it's going to be useful as far as my research is concerned. Thinking of taking Climate Dynamics instead - definitely seems more like what I should be taking. Have emailed Jim to ask him about it. We'll see what he says.

Less than an hour

The New Grad Student, EART205 camping trip begins today. I don't want to go! Cold. Sleeping on the ground. Cold. Uncomfortable. Cold.

Maybe it will be fun... Sigh.

Awesome

Went to the bonfire. Had an awesome time. So glad I went. Not only did I have the awesome time I was just mentioning, but everybody was there (of the new grads) and if I hadn't gone I'd be the only one that didn't go. How sucky would that be? I'd be labelled as the anti-social one. And even if that is the case, it'd suck for them to find out so early!

Anyway, yeah. A great time. Yay for being social.

Pessimistic, but still having a good time

Haven't posted in a while. Things are going pretty well. I get along great with my roommates. I hang out quite a bit with Colleen, who's super cool. Not that the others aren't, we just don't seem to hang out as much.

School... well, it worries me a bit. Classes haven't really started yet. I had one math class. The homework looks really yucky. I just feel like I'm not qualified to be here and that it's only a matter of time before people start to realize it. I think I'm not the only one that feels this way, but I don't know for sure. It gets me down every once in a while. Moments like these make me want to quit school and go... somewhere else. But I'm even more afraid of having no plan, than I am of having a plan that I'm not sure about.

I have an office, which is pretty cool. Have been there to do reading, but that's about it.

Leaving for a camping trip on Friday. Am not very excited about it. In fact, I have no real desire to go. There's also a bonfire thing happening tonight - don't really feel like I want to go to that either. Am being pretty anti-social. I will probably go, just don't want to.

Oh, and verizon doesn't work on campus. Can't even use my cell phone. Totally unhappy about that. Don't want to cancel though - deactivation fee. But then I feel really dumb paying for phone service I can't even use. Lame.

I am still having a good time though. Thursday was fun. Went with Colleen downtown. We ended up having dinner with one of her friends, Brian, and then hanging out. Had a fantastic time. Laughing and joking around while sitting in a candy store/ice cream place. Today was also good. Went to Capitola's downtown area. Walked around. Got food. Ate ice cream. Yummy.

Yep. That's my life.

A bit bizarre

Okay, so I know I'm a bit weird, and here's more proof of that for anyone trying to compile a list... And I suppose if anyone is I suppose that person is just a bit weird themselves. Anyway, I was driving to Office Max today to buy some supplies when I started to think of something I had learned in Biogeography... that certain plants flower only when exposed to a certain amount of daylight and how that can pose problems for people trying to grow plants native to one latitude in another.

Don't ask me why I was thinking about it, because I don't honestly know. But anyway, I couldn't for the life of my figure out the term to describe such plants - all I could come up with was the photo- part of it. So here's the rest and the proper definition for anyone interested (not that I expect anyone will be...)

photoperiodism: flowering in many plant species triggered by a response to a particular day length

Your new word of the day. You're welcome. :-D

A lot has happened

First off - went to spend the weekend with Angie. Had a magnificient time. Went and saw Little Miss Sunshine, the most awesome movie ever! Totally hilarious, but not in a ridiculous way. I would suggest it to anybody looking for a laugh, or really anyone at all. We also went to Tilden park and explored a bit. And did a bunch of other fun things. Angie is the best hostess. :-D

Monday went and saw another movie with Julia - The Covenant, which was basically eye candy (for both girls and guys) and special effects. But good, if you aren't really expecting an oscar worthy movie. Or that was my take anyway.

And now I'm at UCSC. Have moved into my apartment. Things are mainly in order. Bought my parking permit, figured out that my financial aid finally went through, and unpacked and all that stuff. My roommates are super nice. Both of them offered to help me bring in stuff from my car - I declined, but very sweet of them to offer. We ended up chatting for a couple hours in the evening, and then later we went and got frozen yogurt! Yay for that.

I have a meeting with Jim at 1:30 to talk about what classes I should be taking this quarter and that kind of stuff. It will be good to have all that stuff sorted out. Hope I can also figure out how to enroll in the classes! Have not been able to successfully enroll for classes other than my graduate ones because it says I don't meet the pre-reqs. Hahaha.

Um... that's about it... Have seen a few deer since being on campus.

Yep.

What the... ?

Hahaha... don't even ask about the title. Sometimes I have a hard time thinking of one, as people have probably noticed whenever they read my blog.

Not much going on. Am really excited about the next few days, not so much for those that follow! Anywho, tomorrow I might be going to see a stupid movie with Julia, then I'm for sure driving to Berkeley to hang out with Angie (!yay!), and then I'll be staying at her place Friday night, hanging out Saturday, and then I'm not really sure about the rest of the weekend.

After that though... I'm supposed to be moving to Santa Cruz on Monday. Am happy to finally be getting out of my parent's house, but not all that enthusiastic about actually being at school and then starting school. Have sent a couple emails to Jim about meeting with him to discuss potential classes for this coming quarter - he only replied to the first and didn't really say anything about meeting with me. And paranoid me has been worried about it ever since. Haven't ever been sure about graduate school, and now that it's actually here that hasn't changed at all. If anything I'm getting more unhappy about it. I'm not sure if it's one of those things where I'm unhappy now but will be super glad I did it later, or one of those times where I continue to be unhappy and wonder why I didn't back out sooner to save myself some grief.

Everybody else's expectations of me seem to be quite higher than those I have for myself. And anytime I try to talk to anyone about how yucky I'm thinking school will be they brush it off... Sigh. What the hell? I guess maybe that title was appropriate after all. What am I doing with my life and why?

Worried?

I am a hopeless worrier. I worry about all kinds of things, all the time. I don't know if other people can tell this about me or not. I have no idea if people ever think, wow she just needs to calm down. But I do. I worry about what other people think of me, I worry that other people don't think of me, I worry about what life is going to be like when I'm a "grown-up", I worry that maybe I am a grown-up already and that this is what life is going to be like for forever, I worry about my family, I worry...

And I'm more worried than usual right now... School is starting soon. And I don't really know anyone there, and I have to move in and set everything up, and talk to Jim about classes and... so much. Yikes. Although, I did really enjoy myself when Julia and I went on Friday. Nice drive. Nice weather. Beautiful campus. We'll see how things go.

Hm...

So, I guess I should be used to people thinking I'm an idiot by now... Sigh, guess I will need to get used to it all over again. That's too bad... I'm so used to everyone I interact with being aware of the fact that while I might be somewhat intelligent I tend to say and do pretty stupid things and misunderstand somewhat simple concepts... Ah, well, at least Mark of IT knows now... well... the second part, not so much that I'm somewhat intelligent...

Hahahaha. Fun, fun. Hehehe. Actually it'll be nice to have new people to meet and confuse and befriend.

Funny and Sad at the Same Time

Bush Is An Idiot

How can something be so funny and yet so sad at the same time? Well... At least he's good for a laugh... So glad we elected him.

Doh!

I learned a valuable lesson yesterday, or relearned a valuable lesson - listen to your Mom or bad things will happen!!

So for the past few weeks my Mom has been bugging me to make an eye appointment so I can get a new pair of glasses, and I didn't really pay much attention... Until yesterday, when just twenty minutes after my Mom repeated that I should call I knocked my glasses with my hand while bringing down a box from a high place and one of the nose pieces broke off. Blah, so needless to say, two minutes after that I was on the phone making an appointment. A new pair of glasses for the Steph - yay to that.

Anywho... Not much else going on in the land of Steph. Have been cleaning the house like a mad fiend. I have no idea why, but I am... so there!! Hahaha. Guess boredom got the better of me. And now that I've started I want to finish... A big task, but I can do it! Yay me. :-D

Don't forget the moral of the story - Listen to Mom! (unless you have a crazy Mommy that tells you to do bad things, then you can just forget it... haha)

Toward the Future and An Ugly Dress

School will begin in about a month. I must say that I'm glad to be getting on with something. I've spent too much time without anything truly productive to do. Nothing to really motivate me. So, this will be a good change of pace. Well, it will be until I actually have stuff to do, and then as things generally go, then I will want to be free again... sigh. Catch-22's right?

A lot to do before than as well. I have to figure out my finances, a couple surprises have come up and some conflicting information, so I have a few calls to make. Should also be reading Jim's papers, figuring out classes, and contacting people in the department. I must be one of the lazier graduate students!! Hahaha... perhaps.

Hm... As Layla has already heard, I've gotten my bridesmaid's dress... Oh dear. That's all I have to say. No sleaves, a neckline that leaves little to the imagination, and a back that will showcase some ugly scars. Yay for that... it's something I would give quite a bit not to have to wear, especially in front of 100 people... especially not when several dozen pictures will be taken with me in it. If there was a way to get out of it without having to act like a total bitch I would. And I don't know how it happened, but somehow Donna, Melanie's Mom, got it into her head that I really like the dress and made suggestions about how to alter it so I can wear it again. Yeah... like that's going to happen. What BS?!

Sigh... Anyway... That's my life in a nutshell right now. What a lame life it is... But a lame life is infinitely better than no life at all. :-D

A Happy Family Dinner

Today is my Dad's birthday, so we all went out to dinner (Mom, Dad, Grandma and Me). It was surprisingly happy and everyone was in a good and jovial mood. I don't want to give the wrong impression by saying it was surprisingly happy - I mean that it was much more happy than usual and it flowed with ease.

We went to this awesome new restaurant - Italian. Very yummy.

Um... yeah, another lame post. Yay for me!!

Busy but not all that productive

Hahaha... I would say that's the story of my life, but as I'm not really busy all that much the first part doesn't really apply... although the latter part pretty aptly describes my life... hahaha.

A lot of shopping and errands and all that. Plus I baked a cake...

What a lame post...

A little of everything

As you can probably tell I got tired of my old blog look. Unfortunately I'm not as super creative as others and I don't really spend a great deal of time trying to do anything... So you get a slightly altered, pre-made design that will take me a while to finish up. Perhaps eventually I'll work on making a real, super creative, and original design. Maybe...

Anywho... Have been working hard core at my Aunt Kathy's house the past few days. Moving furniture, ripping up carpet, painting walls and ceilings, and putting in new faux wood laminate flooring. Quite an endeavor. But yay for having money! Hahaha. Well, that and the feeling of completing a job well done.

So Peter will be home in mid-November. I feel bad for him. He just can't seem to learn from his mistakes or the mistakes of others. Perhaps this time will be different. Maybe he'll figure out that he can't do whatever he wants, that he has to be cautious - more cautious than most because of his history. And maybe the whole thing with Melanie will pound into him even more the impacts of his actions on others. Mom, Dad, Grandma, and I don't seem to be enough - maybe Melanie and her family are? I know this is completely shallow and self-centered, but I think I'm a little jealous if this is the case. But, don't write me off completely, if they are enough I'm just glad it will cause him to straighten himself out. I just want him to break free from the past and become a wiser and better person - will it happen? I don't know, but I hope.

Anyway, sorry about the serious turn my blog took. Ah well, read what you will and ignore the rest.

Hazaa

hahaha, no I have no idea why that's the title of this blog either. Just deal with it.

So, I've been at Adora's for about a week and a half. Have had a wonderful time. It is good to be going home. Although, once I get there I have no idea how long I'm actually staying. Seems like my Aunt Kathy needs some help around her house and has asked me to come for a bit. Not sure how long. Also, promised Angie I'd visit. Also have to figure out school expenses and moving and all that kind of thing. This is going to be a crazy time.

Hm... Not much exciting, right? Just me complaining. You should be used to that by now though.

:-D

Going Slowly Crazy

I may be going slowly crazy, but it's a short trip so I'll be there soon enough. This morning I had to go over to my grandmother's house to reset her clocks and reprogram her VCR timed recordings and all that crap after her power went out last night. It's not difficult to program a VCR, but it can be exceedingly trying to do it while someone who doesn't know what they are talking about tries to explain how to do it.

After that I ran some errands... And then several phone calls later it's hard to figure out how I feel about a particular problem, how much should be said to others affected, and other related problems. Sigh.

At least on Wednesday I'm going to Adora's. Get to leave for a bit! And I'm really excited about going. This time the only thing planned for while I'm there is Disneyland. So we'll have lots of time to just hang out.

Sympathy?

Last night my mother accused me of having no sympathy for anybody. Which, I don't think is true in general terms. But for people who know what they're getting themselves into, the risks involved in their activities, and the consequences should they get caught, no I guess I don't have a whole lot of sympathy. I guess I also run low on sympathy for those people I don't like very much - it's a fault, I know.

It also seems to go back to a post I made a long time ago about the possibility of me being heartless. I know it's not true, but sometimes I wonder if other people think that it is. I suppose I shouldn't really care what other people think, but I do. I always have...

Ah well... anyway, I guess that's about it.

In Poor Taste

So I felt that it was in poor taste to spend the whole last post complaining about the heat. This could be because at present I am visiting my Aunt Kathy with my Mom and am therefore in the comfort of an air conditioned home. At present though I think I will give myself the benefit of the doubt and chalk it up to superior morals that force me to compensate for actions undertaken in the weakness of the moment... hahaha.

Anywho... My life has been pretty interesting in the past few days. Friday was spent with Julia - went to the movies, shopping, and hung out for a few hours. Saturday my parents took me to Reno (where I lost $15 - oh well), then Sunday we went to Pyramid Lake... That was an adventure, the car got stuck in a sandy patch on the dirt road and a very nice gentleman with a truck had to help us. With a rope connecting the two cars and boards placed under the front wheels he was able to pull us out. Thank goodness for the kindness of strangers. Although, as my Mom said, it's most likely due to kharma because my Dad helps anyone who needs it and would have done the same for anybody else had the situations been reversed.

The past couple of days have been spent shopping and laying about. I have been on a Jane Austin binge. Reading Pride and Prejudice and Emma in the past few days. I love her novels and am considering acquiring some of her other works. I can't quite figure out my love of her novels and others like them (Jane Eyre), but I suppose it's my feminine side trying desperately to get out. Hahaha.

Looking forward to going to visit Adora. And perhaps Layla while I'm down there. It will be tremendously fun. Yay for that.

Oh, in other news. Got housing info from Santa Cruz - know who I'll be living with and what building and all that... wooo hooo. Hahaha. Anyway, good to know that's settled.

Oh my gosh... I'm Melting!!

My goodness, it's exceedingly hot! Considerably cooler than yesterday - which definitely isn't saying much!! Today it was 108 (yikes), and yesterday it was 115 (double yikes). I can't believe it, but I really do feel I am melting.

Not much to be done in weather such as this. Have been reading and going to air conditioned stores every now and again... It's hard to even eat real food - have been relying on strawberry banana frozen yogurt pops and fudge pops.

Sigh... Not a whole lot going on... Why is it so hot?

New Classes

So, I've registered for two classes for the Fall. Intro to Teaching and Intro Graduate Seminar. Why am I doing this?

Haven't talked to Zachos since summer started. Although, I just read one of his papers. Pretty interesting. Gosh, two more months...

Bad Dreams

I had a night mare last night. It has been a long time since I've had a dream, let alone a night mare. Pretty scary. Can't exactly remember what was going on. Something about visiting this group of people on the island the Boat Club is on that we didn't know was there before. I didn't want to go because I knew something bad was going to happen, but Mom, Dad and Peter were all going, and I figured that if something bad did happen I might as well die with my family then be the only survivor. It was pretty twisted. I was right by the way - bad things did happen. I somehow got separated from everybody else and was in the room with all these "others" that looked normal, but weren't, and had some sort of sticks with pink glowly stuff on the end... I dunno. Whatever.

Hm, in other news. I think I told everyone that it turned out I didn't get to go to Vegas this summer like I was supposed to, but Dad decided that instead we'd go to Reno for the weekend. So that should be fun! Gambling here I come! Hahaha. It'll be good. Maybe I'll actually win a little money - hahahaha - doubtful, but it would be nice. :-D

Um... Yeah, I'm Crazy

Well, I'm still house sitting for my aunt. Have read a couple more books. Watched a few movies. And have started on the Dead Like Me series. It's a pretty cool series about an 18 year old girl that is hit by a toliet seat falling from the debris of a space station that has fallen out of use. She then discovers she's become a grim reaper. It's pretty interesting - touching moments, hilarious moments and a cute guy that I think may become the main love interest (played by Callum Blue - looks and an accent ;-D). One of the things about the series is that the reapers don't get paid, lead "lives" and have to find a way to make a living.

Anywho... so at my aunt's house... It's a very nice house in an upscale neighborhood - a great change from the house in Stockton, but for one thing - there're some sort of creatures living in the attic, or whatever the small space between the ceiling and the roof... I'm pretty sure it's squirrels or (ew) rats or something. I dunno.

Alright, and now I want to share something... hahaha. So I get embarrassed for characters in books and movies and actually have to pause (if possible) and gave them and myself a moment. It's bizarre. And no matter how many times I see a particular movie or read a particular book I feel the same way at the same moments for the same characters...

Hm... yep, my life in a nutshell... oh, except for this. I was watching this movie, Imagine Me and You (or You and Me - whatever) and in the movie a little girl - H - asked her future brother in law Heck (great names, yeah?), what happens when an unstoppable object hits an inmovable one. So I wondered about it too. At the end of the movie they determine that the inmovable object steps out of the way... right... Anywho, what I was thinking was more like a completely elastic collision and that the unstoppable object would simply bounce off and move the other way - but now that I think that I suppose that's not a real explanation because the unstoppable object would have to reach zero velocity at some point (even for a tiny amount of time) before going in the other direction... anyway, I'm crazy, guess that's the point of that story...

Not Surprising

It's not surprising that my life is kind of boring right now. Although, not boring in a bad way. I am house-sitting for my Aunt Kathy and Uncle Bob. It's only a couple days in, but it's been a nice break from my family and Stockton.

I have air conditioning in a decidededly hot environment. I have a Cal King sized bed - all to myself, unfortunately (;-D). I have the tv to myself. As well as freedom to watch, listen to, or do pretty much anything I like. This has been a lot of tv watching, book reading (most recently Dan Brown's Deception Point - good read by the way), and I even went to see The Devil Wears Prada. Pretty cute movie. Including a happy ending and a moral. Yay for morals! Hahaha.

Also trying my best to look at least somewhat presentable at Peter and Melanie's wedding. Trying to eat better (easier when I do the grocery shopping and food making). Been jumping rope - an activity I heard is the best way to get in shape. And resistance training. Woohoo. So exciting.

It would also be nice if I could find a date for the wedding. But I doubt that's going to happen. Oh well. Anywho, my life in a nut shell. Am going home tomorrow for 4th of July. Not sure why, but whatever. Doesn't really matter. It'll be nice to see other people for a while.

Nochnoy Dozor

Okay, I just watched Nochnoy Dozor (aka Night Watch), an awesome Russian movie about the on going interactions of the forces of Light (the Night Watchers) and the forces of Dark (the Day Watchers) following a sort of truce between the Lord of the Light and the General of the Dark. I would definitely recommend it. The story is pretty interesting. The characters, while Others, are definitely human in nature, especially the main character - Anton. The special effects are excellent.

I cannot wait for Dnevnoy Dozor, Day Watch. Although, it is going to be quite a wait. Considering it took two years from the time Night Watch came out in Russia to the time it came out here on DVD. I guess I could have seen it in the theater but that was still only a few months ago. Maybe it will be quicker if enough Americans like Night Watch - so see it!!

Yep... that's it for now.

Back from the East

It's wonderful to be in the West again. A week in Ohio... wasn't as bad as I had anticipated. Got to spend a lot of time with my Grandma, my aunts, my younger cousins and some other interesting folks - all of which were either some type of cousin of great aunts or uncles. But I have decided that California is definitely the place for me!! Although, the fire flies aka lightning bugs, were really cool. And riding in a 1960 Cadillac Limo was pretty neat too.

Anyway. I'm getting all kinds of info for graduate school. Found out I do in fact have university housing. Don't know if I'm teaching in the fall yet or not. Will know in August. Know I have to take two required classes in the Fall, and then I have to choose an elective. Need to talk to my advisor about what it should be. Haven't talked to him in quite a while. Not sure if I should be or not. Whatever. I'll figure it out later. I also know I'll have an office. So that's kinda neat.

Well, yeah... that's about all for now.

Excited?

Not really. I'm leaving for Ohio tomorrow for a family reunion. I don't really want to go. I think it may have to do considerably with the fact I'll be spending a whole day to get there. Stupid lay overs.

Anyway. Not really looking forward to going, but it's not like I can back out now... sigh.

OH... so interesting thing I found out yesterday. My Mom and Dad only dated two months before they got engaged. Can you believe that? It's a bit insane. AND they've been married for 28 years. Makes you wonder about when and where you'll meet the person you'll spend the rest of your life with. And if you'll know who they're the one, and how long it takes before you know.

Hm... anywho. Not much going on right now. Did go sailing with Julia on Friday. We had a blast. It'd be awesome to go again. My Uncle did suggest going out again and maybe barbecueing or staying over night. That'd be super fun. But I don't think it'd be until August. We'll see.

Tired... and not looking forward to tomorrow...

Harry Potter Takes Over...

This quote just caught my attention - I found it very amusing and completely plausible if the editor had a mind anything like mine....

"'These books can't possibly compete with centuries of established history, especially when that history is endorsed by the ultimate best seller of all time.' (Said by Robert Langdon)

Faukman's eyes went wide. 'Don't tell me Harry Potter is actually about the Holy Grail.'

'I was referring to the Bible.'

Faukman cringed. 'I knew that.'"

Hahaha - I so knew that! Fantastic. Dan Brown is so great. Getting little bits of comedy in his books. Anyway... yeah... My life is boring, and that's all I've got.

Home Again

Wow, so I'm at home. It's crazy to think I'm done with living in Berkeley. As far as I know that is the last time I'll ever live there. Four years has come and gone. It's nuts! People keep asking me if it felt like a long time or a short time. I'm not sure. So much happened during those four years. I have no idea how to respond.

Hm... Basically that's all. I'm home. Glad to be here.... for now. Hahaha. We'll see when this changes...

Recent Happenings...

Haven't updated in a while...

Friday: Graduation... woohooo (sarcastic) - was pretty boring. But my family, Patrice and Lorraine, Adora and Angie, and other random people were there, so that was nice. Then pool followed by Fenton's with Angie and Adora - super fun!

Saturday: Hanging with Adora in the morning, then shopping with Angie midday, then in the evening SF with Angie, Chi, and Kathryn. Dinner at... I can't remember the name of the restaurant. Followed by The Da Vinci Code at the Metreon. I liked the movie. Hadn't read the book, but the movie was pretty good.

Sunday: Bridal shower for Melanie (Peter's Fiancee). Okay - good because Alyssa and Gabe were there - cute little cousins that I got to play with. Melanie's Mom, Donna, is super nice and everyone from my family really liked her. I was not sure about her sister, Gigi though. She seems like a bitch. I know that I shouldn't say that after meeting her once, but I'm going to say it anyway. She walked in the door, didn't even smile and barely squeezed out a hi. And she was wearing ho clothes. Or what I term ho clothes. She looked more like she was going out partying than coming to a family thrown bridal shower. Anyway... Family was here so it was okay.

Monday: Spent the day with Grandma and Aunt Kathy. Then Mom came in the evening. A very good day.

Today... who knows?

SStoner...

Had my last final today. Can't believe it. My last final at Cal. Crazy. And it was really hard! Stupid physics. And I don't think it's like the midterms, in that I thought they were hard but I did well on them. The final was just plain hard. Lame.

Had an awesome time last night. Went to dinner with Angie, Daphne, Kathryn, and Chi for Angie's 22nd b-day. Then we went and played pool. Some of my shots were awesomes, but most were... of questionable skill/execution. So I think I should play more often.

Tonight I finally was able to apply for graduate housing. And while I was at it, I activated by email address... which I didn't get to pick the name for by the way!! So now my email address is sstoner@ucsc.edu. How perfect! Grrawr. So email me if you wanna...

Finals and other things...

Had a final yesterday. Went pretty well - discussed Malthus, Marx and Smith, as well as the welfare state, genetic erosion, resilience, and the organic composition of capital. Blah, blah, blah. I used the entire bluebook! 16 pages... Insanity. But it is over, and all that's left now is physics. Yay for that.

I'm currently at my aunt's house sitting at my uncle's computer while behind me my Grandma is working on my aunt's. It is so wonderful to see my Grandma Trnka again. It's been a long time. She even took me out to dinner last night. A rare thing to get to go to dinner alone with her - especially with the number of people who want to see her and the number of grand and great grand children she has. But I'm the baby of the grandchildren, so I'm special!

A day of lasts...

So today was a day full of things that will have happened for the last time. I had my last day of classes at Cal - meaning my last lecture, my last day of note taking, and all that at Cal. Got my last paper back. So crazy. I mean, I know I'll be doing all that at Santa Cruz, but it's the last time I'll be doing it all as an undergraduate and at Cal.

Sigh. If only today were my last final. Haha. Those are still to come. So sad...

Am I done yet?

That question can apply to so many different things. School as a whole, particular classes, and right now this portion of my research project. I've been in lab the last seven hours and I'm still not done. Blah! It's okay. The samples look really good and it's great to get the thing done. If I had gone home I would have slacked most of the time anyway. Here I was able to get some work done and some reading for my geography class while waiting for scans to complete.

So, as some of you know I decided to make a turtle cake for my decal's final project. It's from a book we read, Small Gods, about a god that accidently turned himself into a turtle and then couldn't turn himself back. A great book for anyone interested in humorous commentaries on religion. Anyway, here's a pic of my awesome turtle cake.


Isn't it cute?? So it's a vanilla cake (from scratch!) that's actually colored green. The body I baked in an oven safe bowl, so it is actually shell shaped. The legs are cupcakes with the tops cut off and a little of the side cut off (thanks for that wonderful idea Angie!). The head is also a cupcake. The frosting is also vanilla butter cream frosting, also made from scratch! Oooo. It also has green food coloring in it. The green decorations on it are store bought icing. But that's the only thing straight from the packaging on the turtle. It was quite an endevor. But it tasted fantastic!

And in other news. I got an email from the professor I'm going to be studying under at UCSC and he said that he was going to be gone all summer and that I should enjoy myself and wait until Fall to start! Yay for that! It's exactly what I was hoping for. That's wonderfully exciting. My parents want to go to Vegas, the Grand Canyon, and the Hoover Dam. I also got as a gift a two day park hopper pass to Disneyland that I hope to use over the summer.

Now all I have to do is make it to graduation and then finish up my project, then smooth sailing! What a relief that will be. So much I want to do...

Oh so tired...

I truly am exhausted. If it weren't for my clothes still being in the dryer I'd probably be asleep already. Woke up around 8:30, went to work until 2, went to the lab right after that. Upon getting to the lab I discover that the micromill (the machine I work on) has a problem - the reflected light isn't on. So, I called technical support, was told I needed to unscrew the cover and check the bulbs... Wenbo and I first had to find the tools for the job, because we needed an alan wrench rather than a screw driver. Anyway, after all that was settled we figured out we needed new bulbs - thank goodness we got one of them to work. I found out after some further investigation that the bulbs are $40 each! These teeny little light bulbs are darn expensive. Anyway, so the machine is repaired around 4. After that, I figured out that my sample wasn't all the way prepped as I had been told it was. So I had to do that. Finally got around to sampling a little after 5. Stayed until a bit after 9. Geez, I was so tired after that.

Got home. Started dinner. While that was cooking started on the cake I needed to bake. And now two hours later I have all the baked tools I need to create my turtle cake. I'm too tired to explain now if you don't get that reference. But the tools include one "body" shaped cake, five cupcakes, and one regular little sheet cake. Tomorrow will be frosting making and decorating. Oh joy. haha. Actually it should be a blast. It's just too bad it's happening when all this other crap (like lab, geography, and physics) is happening.

Okay. So I'm tired. But I feel accomplished. Very proud of myself. I just hope the samples I drilled today are okay. I wasn't sure during the sampling. I guess I will find out next week. I'm just relieved they're sampled. The results will have to weigh on my conscience some other day.
Oooo. Laundry should be done. Just gotta put that away and then I can sleep. I love you sleep.

Goodnight everyone!

Bored... or boring?

My Mom always told me that only boring people get bored. I must be one of the most boring people on the face of the planet! I get bored all the freaking time. Although, rarely bored enough to do my work...

Hm, okay. Even this post is boring. It's really too bad, I had hoped to delude myself by thinking I'm at least slightly interesting. Oh well.

Research project hit a rough patch. The data looks wrong. Guess I'll talk to Lynn and Peter about it during our meeting. Stupid project.

Every other day...

I think I am only able to be productive every other day. Was pretty darn productive yesterday, caught up on both De-Cal and Geography reading and did a bit of other random work. Today - I've done very little. Some, but not a whole lot.

Oh well. Over the summer I'll have a multitude of non-productive days. Perhaps this well help me be productive more often when I start grad school. That's crazy... I can't believe I'm doing more school. It'll be good though.

Kay... whatever.

Recent ramblings

Hm, haven't updated in a while... and perhaps not surprising, it's because there hasn't really been a great deal to post about. So a few things to note:

I kicked my physics midterm's butt. Hm, perhaps I didn't beat it into submission, it's more like we developed a symbiotic relationship... whatever, a 94 on the midterm is so excellent I'm not even going to question it. :-D

The gods, goddesses or weaver really love me sometimes. Two things. So last Tuesday I ended up skipping my geography class to stay home and study for my physics midterm... turns out my professor skipped class too! So I didn't miss a thing. Everyone that did go had to walk through the rain only to discover a note on the door saying class was cancelled! Second thing, two of the five questions on the physics midterm were on my cheat sheet! Sweet.

My own body hates me. Or perhaps we hate each other... haven't really decided. Fell down last night on the stairs between the house and the garage. Skinned and bruised my knee... poor knee. Poor me... (yay for rhyming).

Hm... I think that's about it. Have been watching anime... mainly ROD Tv, Karin (which is almost over... tear), and a new series... Princess Princess. Hilarious. That's all I can say. Wonderful.

A hopeless romantic?

I returned from my midterm this evening and decided to reward myself for undergoing such a horrid ordeal (really not that horrid...) by popping in my most recent Netflix movie, which happened to be Pride and Prejudice. The book is simply wonderful, and one of my favorites, as is the movie.

It brings up an interesting train of thought though. I love watching movies about love (if there's a suitably happy ending) and reading books with either minor or major romance between the characters, but I also try to be realistic. I think it would be wonderful if everyone had a soul mate and if people were meant to be together and the endings were all happy, but at the same time I know that this is not how life works. At least I don' t think it is. I do know that people do fall in love and sometimes it's lasting, but then, sometimes it's not. I'm not meaning to be cynical or bitter, I just think it's the way it is.

Love does exist, too bad it's not like it is in the movies. I will continue to watch them though.

A Fine Tuned Slacker

I have a physics midterm today. Physics discussion (from 8-10am) this morning was cancelled. So what did I do during that time? I slept, obviously. When I did gain conciousness this morning I finished off the problems from the last chapter and began working on my cheat sheet. The midterm is at 6:30, meaning I will be missing my decal, unavoidably. What this does not mean is that I needed to miss the physics lecture that was from 11-12:30, which I did. Or that I need to miss my Geography lecture (from 2-3:30), but I likely will. I haven't finished my cheat sheet. Strictly speaking I could finish it once I return from my geography lecture, but that is cutting into dinner and mental prep time, and also leaves for the possibility that it won't get finished. But if I stay home from geography that leaves ample time for all those things. Because not only does it cut out the 1.5 hours of lecture, but the time it takes to get to and from the lecture hall - which is on the other side of campus (actually farther than GPB for those that know the campus - only by a bit though). And the time I generally need to decompress after a lecture before getting to work - because I'm such a slacker that moving directly from one task to another does not fit into my programming. In between tasks needs to be at least some other activity. Hence this post. I finished the portion of the cheat sheet for one chapter and am now taking a break before commencing with the next. I'd love to say this is a result of senioritis, but I believe it is a result of me being me. At school anyway, I do not run into this problem at work.

Not going to class also has the added benefit of not having to go out into the rain. Why is it still raining?! I want the rain to go away!

As you've probably guessed, I am not going to class.

What a slacker I am. But at least I'm a relaxed, happy slacker. I do feel a tinge of guilt every now and again, but am usually able to rationalize everything and thus do away with it.

Senioritis Rears its Ugly Head

And Steph simply stands there staring as her work eithic is shot dead... So sad. hahaha.

I have been slowly working, quickly playing, and super speedily slacking. There are five weeks left of my final semester at Cal (well, it will be if I don't fail!) and it grows harder and harder to buckle down and work as it gets closer and closer.

It will all be okay. That's what I continue to tell myself. I wonder if it should be so hard. Apparently I was selected as my departments top female student and so will be honored at a banquet in SF. All I can say... If I'm the top student and I find it this hard to work... what must the others be doing? Hahaha. Who knows, seems like my department likes to select me for these random things. Fine with me, I guess.

That's pretty much it. My life is exceedingly dull. Yay for me. ;-P

a much needed break

My mind is growing weary of my reading for geography, it is simply emotionally, morally, and spiritually draining. Late Victorian Holocausts by Mike Davis details the famine of the later part of the nineteenth century in British Colonial India. I had no idea it had even happened and feel the worse for knowing it now.

It is estimated that approximately 60 million people died in the span of a few years in China, India, and Brazil, with about 30 million of them in India. People starved in the streets, women unable to feed themselves or their children tried to sell them in cities, people had to walk miles in order to reach relief camps that offered only a prolonging of death, providing only a pound of rice per day per person for which hard labor was required to earn. The camps were also plagued by disease. According to the data the average weight of male corpses was sixty pounds. People were also said to have resorted to cannibalism, eating the dead and sometimes their own children.

The saddest part of the whole ordeal is that the "famine" was not a result of an absolute lack of food, but of exportation to other countries who could pay higher prices for the produce. Tens of millions of men, women, and children were starving while the food that could have kept many of them alive was being shipped to Europe. And those who contributed money to the relief efforts were taken advantage of as well, because the money they contributed was being used not to support relief efforts but to fight an unneccesary, ill-conceived war in Afghanistan. And those offering aid within the country were in danger of being arrested. On that note the amount of food received and cleaniness in the prisons were greater than in the relief camps, driving many of the poor and starving to committing crimes in order to survive.

We can be so kind, generous, loving... and yet so cool, calculating, grotesque, cruel... I'd like to say this sort of thing would never happen in today's world, but I'd just be kidding myself. It is happening and it will happen, it will always happen.

Sigh...

The first day back to school following spring break. woohooo.... (as a single tear rolls down my face...) Anywho, yeah, nothing to really post about but I want a break from the slight bit of work I've done so far, so here I am.

I have a feeling that my thesis project is kind of dead in the water. I keep discovering that things I did were either not exactly right or were right, but that my analysis is er... amatuerish. Which I guess it really should be, as I've never really actually done a research project that had real data. My other research projects were lacking in data but abundant in analysis based on the work of others and explanations as to what the little info I did have meant (so abundant in bullshit). Well, I have figured out that I don't actually need the units to graduate, but I don't really want it to end that way. I will work on it. I hope to have at least something to turn in at the end of the semester. Which is only six weeks away! My goodness. Something I'm eagerly anticipating and dreading at the same time. I think that's a lot like life as a whole...

On a completely (or maybe not) unrelated note, I have noticed a multitude of white hairs. It's really quite sad. There are a ton of them, and they seem to show up even better with the short hair. What the heck?! I'm only 21, but my whites make me look like an old lady.

Sigh... not really anything else to talk about... sadly. I guess I should get back to work. Stupid school!! Gets in the way of my sitting around time. ;-D

Actually glad to be single...

While I know that not a lot of people read this, I feel like I need to write in it. Had a really good day today. Peter and I went shopping to get Melanie's anniversary present - a pink Razr, and then he took me out to lunch, Macaroni Grill (so tasty). It's very sweet how much Peter cares for her. Am really looking forward to feeling that way about someone, but now I feel like I have more patience and don't have to freak out about it. It's nice. It's kind of like what Angie and I were talking about during our long trips in the car - maybe it's a good thing we didn't really have significant others while we were making the important decisions that have thus far shaped our lives - like which college to go to, jobs we applied for, summer things, etc, etc, etc. I really do think it is a good thing I was single during the time I was deciding on a college and probably during college - who knows what my grades would have been like otherwise! And when I was deciding about graduate school and all that. Not to say that a boyfriend would have hindered my progress, but I think I would have made different decisions.

Anyway, that's what I've been thinking about.

Hm... not much else going on, bought myself King Kong (hahaha, I know) and plan to buy myself Narnia, The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe on Tuesday! That's exciting, didn't even realize it was it was coming out until yesterday when I saw a commercial for it - just goes to show how little tv I've been watching... Yay for that. Although, it's just been replaced by Anime, tv series on DVD (like Firefly), and movies... oh well.

Okay... that's all.

Firefly

So Adora lent me Firefly, what an awesome series. I love the characters, the plot, everything. It's a fantastic show. I can't figure out why they cancelled it after a season. Case in point - a quote "Now don't you stand for that... If someone tries to kill you, you try and kill them right back!" I love it! Well written and wonderful one liners!

Anywho. At home, haven't done anything exciting yet. Hahaha, like I ever do anything exciting at home. I do need to see if I can find Late Victorian Holocausts by Mike Davis at some point. The Student Store didn't have it and Neds was closed. Checked Cody's and Moe's, no luck there either. Although I did finally buy Guns, Germs, and Steel by Jared Diamond. Am looking forward to reading that. Did not bring my physics book home with me, which I suppose I should have done... so that will free up some time to start my new book if I can't find LVH.

New blog... same boring stuff. haha.

Hm...

I can't believe I'm graduating in about six weeks. Totally insane. And then moving on to graduate school. I'm growing up. What's that about?

Trying something new...

I just wanted to try a little something new and move my webjournal over to blogger, because I want everyone to be able to comment on what I write and because Adora's always saying how much better it is than xanga. We'll see how it goes.

And now for a real post...

I'm exhausted. But very happy about the past few days. Went down to visit Adora with Angie. We had so much fun! Went all kinds of places and hung out and saw Thomas. Good times, good times. We went to Santa Monica, Hollywood (Grauman's Chinese Theater and Kodak Theater shopping mall), Disneyland (rode everything we could possibly want to - Space Mountain, the Matterhorn, Haunted Mansion, Splash Mountain, etc, etc, etc.), and Balboa Park (Natural History Museum, Museum of Photographic Arts, Japanese Friendship Garden, etc). I have a ton of pics, which at some point I need to post somewhere. We also hung out at Adora's a couple nights with her and a couple of her friends. Watched Fight Club (awesome movie).

And a momentous occasion, my car has reached over 100K miles. So amazing. Went quite a bit passed it on the way home...

Um, that's all I can think of right now. So tired... Hope people like the new journal - haven't quite figured out how to personalize it yet... will figure it out soon...